Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
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