is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
