I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
where am i from again
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
