but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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