we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
