Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
