Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
