OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
