see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
