i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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