I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
