but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
