Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
