I want to have your abortion
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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