I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
