My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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