shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
