i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
