As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
