Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
