Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
