you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
