Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
