You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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