Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just found puke in my bra..
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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