i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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