I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
