Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
