I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
So here I am, sexting at work.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
