I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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