Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
