also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
