My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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