i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I still have a little drunk in my system
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
