I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
