who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
