I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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