my vag is so smooth its legendary
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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