Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
