Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
