you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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