She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
