Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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