watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Ladies don't puke and tell
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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