Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
My liver just had a heart attack.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
