You're my little dorito
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
