I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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