brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
