I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
