ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
