hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
this boner is exhausting
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
