Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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